Why conflict gets to you
Meet the three voices in your head
Your brain still thinks
it’s the Stone Age
Someone says something in a meeting. Technically it’s just sound waves. So why does it ruin your whole week? Because your brain evolved to keep you alive, not to handle office politics. Three old survival systems still run the show. We call them Lizard, Doggy and Monkey.
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Lizard: keep everything the same
The oldest part of your brain. Its only job is survival: save energy, stick to routine, avoid change. What worked yesterday kept you alive, so why change? At work, Lizard is why new ways of working feel like a threat, even when the old way clearly isn’t working.
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Doggy: don’t lose the pack
In a group, our ancestors survived. Alone, they didn’t. So Doggy watches your place in the group very closely. When someone seems not to like you, Doggy hits the alarm as if your life depends on it. It also splits the world into “us” and “them”. In a conflict, it leaves you two options: make them like you, or make them the enemy.
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Monkey: look busy
As groups grew, having a useful role kept you in the tribe. Monkey wants you to feel useful. It panics over a deadline, handles whatever lands first and keeps you busy with emails and small fires. Lots of activity, little progress.
None of them are wrong. They’re just outdated. The ILC method teaches you to recognise which one is talking, so you can hand the wheel back to the strategic part of your brain.